1
When asked why I don't believe in God I reply, quite simply, "vaginas".Robert Clark
2
Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.Robert Clark
3
People tell me I shouldn't smoke because it is makes you look like a tit. I use exactly the same argument when people tell me they go to the gym.Robert Clark
4
Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?Robert Clark
5
The government are tightening up on ID for sales of tobacco and alcohol so I recommend that young people take more drugs.Robert Clark
6
I think Amy Winehouse's decision not to go to rehab was a bad one. In fact, I think it was the worst idea since Dodi Al Fayed said to Princess Diana, "Ooh, look! A tunnel! Whack that seat belt off and let's have a fuck.Robert Clark
7
Yes, you may ask my name but only if you can tell me: are your thighs as fine as a fresh, crisp morning in early July?Robert Clark
8
Delia Smith needs to realise that when Nigella flirts with the camera she comes across as a slut. When Delia does it she comes across as an old slut.Robert Clark
9
I will now sing another song for your pleasure. Now, if you like Phil Collins...you should be shot in the head.Robert Clark
10
I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me "smoking can cause fatal lung cancer".Robert Clark
11
I am with the Hot Sexy Banking Corporation. As all the other banks are going bust, they are just getting bustier.Robert Clark